Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
