Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
