How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I made him laugh his dick is mine
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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