P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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