Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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