Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
