Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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