i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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