is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
