Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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