you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
