if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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