Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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