I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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