Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
