Princesses don't give blow jobs
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
