I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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