There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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