If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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