I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
