I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize