It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
