he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
