the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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