The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize