You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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