What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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