Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
