He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
