My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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