I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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