Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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