saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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