Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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