I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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