Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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