dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
