I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
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therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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