so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
