I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
