Swine flu. Run for my life!
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
