I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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