He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
