we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
