she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
