I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
