yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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