make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Someone came in the potted fern
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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