You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
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You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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