Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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