how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
