Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
