the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
