i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
