I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
