If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
