We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
