conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
