girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
