is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
