Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
