My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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