Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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