sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
