What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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