used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize