Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
